Starfleet reports our last six crew members are ready to beam up,
but one of them is refusing to step into the transporter.
Oh? I'll see to it that he beams up.
We're losing their pattern!
Oh no, they're forming.
We're always like: What's Bones's problem?
Just get in the transporter, Bones.
Why are you being such a pussy, Bones?
Do you think there's something really bad in the transporter, Bones?
Did it touch your bones?
Yeah, well, Bones is actually the bravest character in sci-fi history
because it's the only person who's worked out this is
A FUCKING DEATH MACHINE and still willingly steps into it.
So, you get in at one end, get disassembled, transmitted across space as a signal,
reassembled at the other end, which is fine if you're, you know, a Word document or a phone call,
or expendable or something, but not human, yeah?
Like, if we took away the bit where you reassembled, this would just be
a scene of several people calmly walking to their deaths.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, bye, bye, bye bye, see - yeah, see you in fucking Valhalla that is!
In fact, sci-fi becomes one long tragic story of people committing genocide
in the most British and orderly way possible:
stepping up to their deaths like they're cuing for flu shots.
All sci-fi has two modes of teleporting, if you like: one is called a wormhole
and one is called fucking dying.
A wormhole is a bridge in space where you tie two points together and step through.
It's a shortcut and no one dies.
The other is where you break someone down
molecule by molecule and vaporize them, so they're dead.
But you make a copy at the end so apparently it's not killing.
And obviously the copy doesn't feel like a copy so there's no one left to protest.
And all the while this guy is getting called a pussy for not willingly stepping into the suicide machine.
Yeah? Well, what about that one?
That's a wormhole, right? No, no, just death.
You still get broken down and reconstructed.
Oh, well, how about- No, no, just death.
Or - no. Also death.
Well, then there's... Oh no, just methodical genocide.
Yeah, that's how you travel in the future: You want to see space?
Well it's the murder express or nothing!