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it was a Sunday a normal one and without warning 15 huge saucers appeared from the clouds
and hovered above 15 capital cities
no one went to work and everyone watched their television and waited to see what
would happen next
nothing happened next the saucers were silent sitting on the air doing nothing
at all not even wobbling
not really we tried to say hello in every language we knew in Swahili in
Spanish or Morse code and binary and still the saucers were quiet on the
second day we flew drones up close and found they were made of a metal we had
never seen before and hovered by a method so clever it may as well have been magic
by the third day a few of us were getting cocky and got close enough to
take selfies and we shouted up through megaphones sorry,
what are you doing here? and the saucers stayed silent sitting on the air
doing nothing at all not even wobbling and finally without warning around dinner time
a great booming voice came over the world and the saucers said
Terrr-rrraa. sorry, we said, come again?
Terrr-rrraa ... Terra? we said and the saucers were silent. terra thought the linguists: Latin
for Earth
maybe it's a greeting of some kind. terror thought the religious: Roman goddess
maybe she's back and she's angry. terror thought the militaries add an -ism to the
end and we've got a big problem
by the fourth day saucerism was a world religion and some of us wore
little spaceships around our necks and began building churches Britain hold a
referendum to see if the saucers should leave or stay and the Prime Minister
resigned. by the fifth day we went back to work and economies ticked over, the
world went on as normal except for the 15 huge saucers which were perfectly
silent, sitting on the air,
doing nothing at all, not even wobbling, not really. and on the sixth day the
government's and monarchies had enough and prime ministers and presidents and
queens and despots came onto the lawns of their palaces and offices and looked up
at the sources and said: what do you want?
why are you here? and the saucers said nothing for a moment and then came the
Terrr - rrraa,
they said, terrr - rrraa. a global state of emergency was declared. they're obviously
hostile, America said, we should build a wall to keep the saucers out until we
figure out what this is all about.
we disagree, replied Russia, we should annex them and then claim they were our
saucers all along.
this is outrageous, Britain said, we frown on violence of any kind.
right, America said, but what if there is a slim to impossible chance they might
have weapons of mass destruction?
we've changed our minds let's invade immediately! now just calm down,
norway said, there's no reason to be violent maybe they're telepathic or
something we don't even know what their intentions are. Norway is right,
Russia said, we should use nuclear weapons! what? that's literally the opposite of
what we just suggested! we agree with Norway, Britain said. and us!
germany said. what the fuck is wrong with you? norway said, there's no reason to be
violent yet we don't even know what they're going to... well, we disagree,
russia said, what are you going to do to stop us? yeah, said France,
what are you going to do about it? now look, sweden said, this is all getting a
bit tense
we don't need to do anything rash! so you want a war as well, huh? Britain said.
n-no, Sweden replied, we'll just be quietly sitting over here until all this is
I say we get rid of Norway, France whispered, then we fire on the saucers!
what's that? norway said. we were just asking if anyone has seen Emily recently
don't bob haircuts look good on French women? right...
norway said, so it's going to be like that, is it? the war lasted just over five
minutes and ended in complete global destruction
those that survived ceased by coming radiation poisoning and a nuclear winter
descended on the world blocking out the Sun. cities were former shadows of
nothing but rubble remained. and through the rubble came the call of the wind and
cockroaches listened to the wind and survived and busied about below and all the
while the saucers waited above sitting on the air
doing nothing at all not even wobbling not really and finally the great voice
came again
terrr - rrraa,
it said, Terrr - rrraa, terr..ribly sorry to bother you, our translation software is broken
could you point the way to Andromeda?
they're awfully quiet, aren't they? Oh, they're probably just shy..
hey, what was with all those explosions? dunno maybe they were having a party..
yeah maybe maybe it was a party.. ohhh, we 've fucking done it again