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CHRIS: Good morning guys,
welcome back to Journey Across Japan, cycle of despair.
It's Joey The Anime Man's last day of cycling with us on the trip.
Ohh, so sad.
Ohhhh.
JOEY: At least pretend to be a little bit more sad.
CHRIS: We're in the city of Joetsu in Niigata,
and today we've actually got a very remote segment of the journey.
There's not a whole lot there.
We haven't found much on the map,
so I don't know what to expect.
Hopefully, the scenery will be nice because it's the sea of Japan,
But other than that,
we're kind of hoping something quite interesting is gonna come out of the capsule machine really,
to... liven up our day a bit.
JOEY: Ope, there it is.
This is from McGy- McGyver Wong.
Who says,
"You seem to love that energy gel!
Make a TV commercial for them!"
CHRIS: (under breath) Eugh, god.
Oh my God.
CHRIS: So the other day,
I mentioned that I drink, or eat, a lot of energy jelly on this trip to keep me going.
FLASHBACK CHRIS: If I was clever,
The one sponsorship deal that I should have got is this.
This is energy jelly, you get in any convenience store across Japan.
CHRIS: And it seems today we're gonna be making a commercial for them, somehow.
JOEY: Are we actually gonna like-
Is this gonna be like a legit commercial, or...?
CHRIS: It's gonna be a legit commercial.
JOEY: Are we actually gonna, like, send it off to the jelly company?
CHRIS: Yeah!
*laughter*
We could do that. *laughter*
JOEY: Really?
CHRIS: Let's just do it. Yeah.
JOEY: Alright.
CHRIS: We got about six or seven hours to conceive film and produce a commercial.
JOEY: Okay.
CHRIS: ...And cycle like 50 kilometers or something, so.
JOEY: Cool.
CHRIS: This is gonna be...
CHRIS: Yeah, you're gonna die.
What a great send-off it will be for your last day of the trip.
JOEY: Yaaay.
CHRIS: If we're gonna make a commercial,
the one place we need to go is, er..
Don Quijote.
Japan's biggest of the greatest department store,
where you can pretty much buy everything and anything.
If we need equipment and props for a commercial,
that's the one place we need to go.
JOEY: It's the only department store that matters.
CHRIS: Yeah.
And there is one about five to ten minutes from here.
Let's get going.
CHRIS: So Don Quijote is the home of fancy dress costumes.
So we're trying to see what might work.
The interesting thing about today is there is no plan.
We haven't- we've literally no idea.
We'd hoped we'd come to Don Quijote,
look at some fancy costumes, fancy dress, and props,
and just try and think it up and dream it up from here.
JOEY: Where is it?!
WHERE'S THE JELLY?
CHRIS: Wow.
(reading off package) Mr. Trumpu.
Donald Trump mask.
I know what I want for my birthday.
JOEY: To make your face great again?
*chuckling* ...With this mask?
CHRIS: "Make your face great again."
CHRIS: You can find anything in Don Quijote.
Just to give you an example,
...Here's a thong with a tap on it.
*piano slam effect*
Who...
...Who thought that was a good idea?
Who dreamed that up?
I don't know, but that is the sort of thing you can find in Don Quijote.
CHRIS: Hello!
This looks like something out of Back to the Future.
How's this..?
JOEY: Think you have to put the batteries in.
CHRIS: We can use special effects CGI though, to make it work.
CHRIS: Okay guys, well, we bought some stuff.
Pretty random things,
although I think we can make it work.
JOEY: Cool!
CHRIS: I think there's enough props here to make a plot, we just need a location now.
And to get a lot of jelly.
CHRIS: So though the scenery has been beautiful today along the Sea of Japan coastline,
we've actually had trouble finding somewhere to film.
One place we did see though, was Itoigawa Station.
It's got a train museum and I reckon it could be the perfect place.
There's...We saw a train carriage that's in the museum online.
JOEY: Yeah.
CHRIS: And I can see it there.
Just inside.
CHRIS: Oh wow.
JOEY: That's sick.
CHRIS: That is cool.
JOEY: Oh, we can go onto it!
CHRIS: We can go onto it?
JOEY: Yeah!
Ooh!
JOEY: Ah, it's so sick!
CHRIS: It just feels like being on a train, right?
JOEY: Yeah.
CHRIS: 'Cept with an absence of passengers.
JOEY: Yeah.
It's like catching the train really early in the morning.
CHRIS: On a scale of 1 to awesome potential film location,
this could be where we do the commercial!
JOEY: Yeah!
There's no people here..
CHRIS: There's nobody here!
We've got an entire train carriage to ourselves.
It couldn't be any better to be honest.
That's pretty lucky.
JOEY: yeh
CHRIS: That we've gone through the most remote part of Japan to date...
and then we've now stumbled across our very own train carriage.
JOEY: Our optimal film location.
CHRIS: Optimal film location.
JOEY: Wow, that's sick!
CHRIS: Oh wow.
JOEY: I love this kind of shit.
I could watch this shit for like, hours.
CHRIS: When I was a kid, my dad promised me he was gonna build me a train set like this
and get all the countryside, build the little things in.
And then he didn't do it!
And, erm,
I've never forgiven him.
Ever since.
CHRIS: Yeah, the detail is incredible!
They've got little parks, beaches, people, boats, cars, trains, towns...
They put a phenomenal amount of effort into this.
CHRIS: It turns out for 500 yen,
you can drive a train around the track for half an hour.
And now Joey, for better or worse,
is...at the wheel.
JOEY: Oh my God, there's a giant person!
Oh, there it is!
CHRIS: Oh my God, it's going so fast.
CHRIS: I think when it comes to the commercial, we're not gonna get a better setting than this.
With the train carriage and those giant train sets.
So we've got to be a little bit creative and try and think...
how we could do the advert here.
Any ideas?
.
..
...
...He's too busy.
Too busy driving a train around.
CHRIS: Joey's been operating the trains.
They drive around this giant...giant model train set.
And I've been using the camera to try and get a drone shot for our commercial.
I think we might've just about pulled it off.
We'll know by the end of the day,
but I think we might pull something off.
Something...
...rather spectacular indeed.
CHRIS: So I'm a little bit nervous.
We're about to start recording our incredible bespoke commercial.
...For energy jelly.
How do you feel, Joey?
JOEY: If this video goes well, or this advertisement goes well,
then you and I should start a side career in...
directing and writing Japanese commercials together.
CHRIS: If this goes smoothly, if this goes well,
I think the sky's the limit.
CHRIS: Two, one,
Action!
*foot stamping*
JOEY: DOKTA JEL-
*laughter*
CHRIS: Oh boy.
What a day.
*more laughter*
JOEY: You gotta learn ACTING. *clap clap*
CHRIS: Alright.
CHRIS: Oh no!
Alright, go.
CHRIS: I'll go on...two.
And you go on three?
(off screen) Okay.
(off screen) One, two, three.
*even more ridiculous laughter*
CHRIS: Well guys, we've just finished filming.
Probably the most ridiculous thing I've ever done.
JOEY: It's the most ridiculous thing I've ever done.
CHRIS: Certainly what you did was...was groundbreaking.
A groundbreaking performance.
JOEY: Thank you.
CHRIS: Can't wait to watch it back.
We'll be playing it at the end of the video, so sit tight,
and get ready for the best goddamn jelly energy commercial there's ever been.
But for now, we've gotta actually finish our cycle.
CHRIS: Ayy!
*endless bell dinging*
CHRIS: We made it!
JOEY: Woooo!
CHRIS: Ichiburi Station!
Seven hundred meters from the border between Niigata and Toyama prefecture.
We made it. Well done.
JOEY: So tired.
CHRIS: Well done, Joey.
You cycled 200 kilometers.
JOEY: Aughh. CHRIS: In four days.
CHRIS: How do you feel?
JOEY: I'm surprised I managed to do it, honestly.
Like, I've never cycled that much...
So intensely.
It didn't feel like 200 kilometers, I'd say.
Probably because we did a lot of shit in between all of that.
I feel pretty accomplished though,
I managed to cycle basically the whole way across Niigata along the coast.
CHRIS: But now guys, it's the moment we've all been waiting for,
the commercial we made today.
Get ready for Doctor Jelly!
*laughter*
CHRIS: Brace yourself.
It's...it's out of this world.
JOEY: Enjoy!
CHRIS: If you could summarize your four-day cycling experience across Niigata in one phrase,
what would that phrase be?
JOEY: Chaotic.
CHRIS: Chaotic.
JOEY: Yeah, like conceptually chaotic,
Physically chaotic on my legs.
CHRIS: Physically chaotic.
JOEY: Yeah.
CHRIS: And now I'm afraid it's time to say goodbye guys.
Joey.
Can I have the helmet?
...No, I don't want to touch your hand.
JOEY: Oh, okay. ...No, I don't want to touch your hand.
Here you go.
CHRIS: You thought that was some sort of moment of brotherhood.
JOEY: Yeah...
CHRIS: No, I just want the helmet back. JOEY: ...no?
Give me my fucking helmet.
JOEY: alright.
CHRIS: We'll be giving it to the next guest.
Who we'll be seeing the day after tomorrow!
JOEY: I'm gonna leave a challenge for the upcoming guest riders as the first guest rider.
CHRIS: Right.
JOEY: Is that...you know the Oni mask...
that's at the front of my bike?
CHRIS: The annoying mask.
JOEY: The mask.
BOTH: Yeah.
JOEY: And the towel, you have to keep that on for the rest of the trip.
CHRIS: Alright.
We'll leave that on.
JOEY: Yeah, as a way to remember me!
CHRIS: I don't know about the rest of the trip.
That towel might not be in good condition after the next month.
But certainly-
JOEY: It will have touched many butts.
CHRIS: Certainly for the next person, we'll leave that towel on there.
JOEY: Yeah.
CHRIS: As a token of your...
participation.
CHRIS: Well then.
It's been a pleasure, Mr. Anime Man, but I must go.
JOEY: Wait what?
CHRIS: Time to fly.
JOEY: Wait.
Next train isn't coming in an hour, though.
CHRIS: You could...
...sit there for an hour and reminisce about all the adventures you just had.
JOEY: It's so cold!
CHRIS: See you later!
JOEY: Wait!
CHRIS: Byee! JOEY: WHAT?
CHRIS: Got a cycle to finish!
CHRIS: See you later, Joey!
JOEY: How am I supposed to get home?!
CHRIS: There's a train...
JOEY: What?! CHRIS: Sometime next...next year.
JOEY: Please don't leave me!
CHRIS: Well guys, I'll be back tomorrow to carry on the cycle.
We've got one day where I'll be traveling alone.
And then the day after that we'll be joined by Guest Number 2.
But for now guys,
No matter where you might be watching from out there in the big wide world,
thanks for being a part of our trip today.
I hope the..commercial didn't leave you too traumatized.
And er, yeah!
I hope to see you right back here tomorrow to do it all over again.
Thanks guys, and I'll see you then.
ACCENTED CHRIS: Okay, I've gotten the wrong way.
Oh, dear God.
Google Maps.
I'm trying to navigate my way to Toyama City and...
I'm looking at the map,
and I'm trying to read out questions, AND
Do an American accent at the same time.
It's really...
really fucking difficult.
If I don't have a mental breakdown in the next 20 minutes,
I will be so fucking surprised.