What does universe do?
Well, here's some stuff what we thought what universe does so far:
1) Zoo for humans made by Yahweh. Five out of ten.
2) No universe, just me. This is called solipsism and shut up.
One out of ten.
3) Zoo for humans made by Shiva.
This is number one in disguise, but she is considerably more attractive than Yahweh
and has bazongas, so: six out of ten.
4) It just is. Stop assuming stuff has meaning.
More rational approach. Eight out of ten.
5) One out of ten. Lack of imagination.
Yes, but what does universe really do?
Well, the universe expands very fast, 13 billion years ago, and slowly loses heat,
eventually spreads out until there aren't any stars or nebulas left, and we're watching it wind down.
The universe is a big wind down machine.
Nine out of ten. Excellent, based on empirical evidence.
Or, the universe is a complexity machine.
Atoms build into molecules, which build into planets, and then DNA and organisms,
and swans, and sea cows, and yes,
very clever carbon units that make stuff with their opposable thumbs,
walk around on two legs and maybe, just maybe, they make more complex stuff than them,
like computers that are conscious, and...
don't die of pneumonia, or cancer, or E. coli, or anything silly, and...
those machines make stuff that are more complex than they are, and so on, and so on, and so on, and...
The universe isn't running down, that's just a byproduct.
The Universe is speeding up.
It took billions of years to make an Earth, and only took a few million to make a human,
and then only 20,000 to make a human that didn't have to hunt all the time,
and then only a few thousand years for radio, and then fifty for television, and thirty for the internet.
Yes, we're small, and space is very, very big -- but ultimately it doesn't matter which telescope you look up.
The most complex thing we've ever seen the universe make is looking up that telescope.
The universe isn't wearing out or dying -- it's waking up.
It's evolving more and more complex patterns and more and more complex shapes,
and you are the most complex thing it's ever done that we know of.
So next time you're feeling glum, keep in mind your brain is the fucking icing on the universe cake, yeah?
And it took 13 billion years to make that cake, yeah?
And it was very hard to pull off,
and there were a number of complicated instructions to follow -- but here you are,
for about 80 years or so, living in the most exciting time in human history that's ever happened,
so just shut up! Just shut up!