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*Rustic piano music starts*
Epic Rap Battles Of History!
Winston Chrchill!
Theodore Rooseveeeeeeltttt!
a challenge!
I love competition
now where would I mount
the stuffed head of a Winston?
I'm into fitness,
diggin' ditches through an insthmus
rough ridin' down to Cuba like;
What's up, BIIITCHES!
I keep my rhymes pure
Like my food and drugs,
I'm an American stud,
and you're the British Elmer Fudd
I mean, for Christ's sake!
Look at that mug!
At least grow a spruce mustache
and cover part of it up
and let's face it,
you're not all that great,
you tossed away lives in Gallipoli
like they were scarps off your plate
your whole miserable country
is the size of one state
I could see my way through running that
without donning my pince-nez
don't go toe-to-toe with me,
you bloated drunk old man!
why don't ya do-si-do on over
to a twelve step program?
I'll bust a trust fund lush,
with my American muscels!
So walk softly over here,
and give my big stick a suckles!
Pass me a cigar
and a large glass of brandy,
I'm about to take you out prematurely
like your family.
I'm the Rhyme Minister
fresh in a hat and dinner jacket
you look like a mix of EpicLLOYD
and a Pringles™ packet!
I was saving the planet
from an Axis of darkness,
while you were back home,
opening national parks,
you were born asthmatic
you're going to choke hard
while I wake up everyday
and chain smoke cigars.
I'll fight you on the beaches,
I'll fight you on the beats, yes
anyway you want to fight
I'll fight you and I'll beat ya see?
I might be battling you
even though I'm toasted
but, tommorow I'll be sober
and you'll still be roasted!
My parents died
when they were young
and it was morbid,
but at least, they did'nt ditch me
while they were alive
like yours did
Oh Shit!
World War too soon?
well Teddy's dropin' bombs
so you best go hide in your tube!
you should be ashamed
of your military honor!
Everyone knows you're back at home like,
thank God for Pearl Harbor
Don't worry!
The US will give you a pass,
just change your poster to
keep calm and kiss my cousin's ass!
Steady there,
I don't think it's very fair,
for a British Bulldog,
to melee with a Teddy Bear!
you're no man,
you're an overgrown Boy Scout!
I should stuff you in a pram
just so you can throw your toys out.
They put your fat head on a mountain,
to save face,
but if Rushmore was a band,
then you'd play bass
look at Roosevelt!
the dude's about,
to lose the bout
to Churchill!
If a bullet to the chest won't stop you,
my words will.
*gun noises*
A bullet can't stop the Bull Moose!
T.R. will give W.C. the full deuce!
Whatever shit you throw at me,
I'll just return to sender!
I'll battle to the end,
and I will never surrender!